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Do you constantly need contact with your partner? Do you live in fear that your relationship will end? Do you feel like you need to know what the other person is doing at all times? These could be some signs that your bond with someone is based on emotional dependence .

If the way you express your love for someone is filled with an excessive need to maintain that bond, and this leaves you in constant fear of being abandoned, you are likely emotionally dependent on your partner.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE?

When we talk about emotional dependence, relationships filled with insecurity and submission always come to mind; but there are different ways to be emotionally dependent when you become emotionally attached to someone. Do you know what's typically seen in these types of relationships? The intense suffering that results from attachment to the other person.

Emotional dependence is based on the need to maintain a bond at all costs. Dependent people are terrified that their partners will leave them, and this fear drives them to constantly seek approval and validation. Furthermore, it's important to note that people experiencing emotional dependence tend to extend this behavior to relationships with their family and friends.

"Reducing dependence means recognizing that happiness depends primarily on you!"

The difference with a healthy relationship is that the compulsiveness to maintain that special connection will limit your freedom, making the other person the center of your life. This may lead you to do anything to maintain that feeling of love and well-being. When loving someone becomes a necessity, bonds based on emotional dependence can form.

In this type of relationship, the level of attachment is so high that it's very difficult to separate from the other person, even when the dynamic has become quite unsustainable. There's a serious problem with leaving the relationship; you may have even tried and then regretted it, or you may have considered the idea but ultimately failed to take the step.

Of course, we want to remind you that depending on others isn't inherently bad. It's not about being totally independent, but about living a balanced dependence , based on healthy and meaningful relationships. A balanced dependence means recognizing that happiness depends primarily on you.

CAUSES OF EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE

Within that need to love without limits is an idealization that makes you believe that this emotional connection is the only way to achieve happiness and security.

There are several reasons why you may end up in this type of relationship to feel self-fulfilled:

  • Low Self-Esteem: Having negative beliefs about your worth and abilities that make you feel more valuable or valuable as a person when you are around others.
  • Romantic Love Beliefs and Themes: You believe that relationships should be perfect and unconditional, with no room for uncertainty.
  • Past Relationship Experiences: Being in relationships that make you believe certain patterns are normal and acceptable.
  • Emotional deficiencies and constant need for affection: Having generated attachment styles during childhood that created insecurity.

    SYMPTOMS OF EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE

    As I have already explained to you, there are different levels and forms of emotional dependence , but there are clear signs that can help you identify it:

    • You idealize your partner: You exaggerate that person's positive aspects without paying attention to the negative ones. Your partner never makes mistakes or does anything wrong, and when there's no way to ignore it, you minimize it with excuses that justify their behavior.
    • You have extreme emotional involvement: You give everything without expecting anything in return, neglecting hobbies and passions and leaving aside family and friends.
    • You engage in obsessive and vigilant behavior: You monitor everything the other person does to confirm that everything is still okay, and you may even stalk or harass them. Furthermore, you mostly seek more or less direct contact.
    • You demand constant demonstrations of love: You can't control your desire to be with that person. You need clear and constant signals that the person loves you.
    • Chain of intermittent relationships: Breakups and reconciliations happen over and over again. You may realize something isn't right in the relationship, but you can't seem to get out of it.

      Attitudes like this can lead you into relationships that lack emotional responsibility or bonds that aren't worth maintaining.

      HOW TO OVERCOME EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE?

      If you think you're suffering from emotional dependence , it's best to seek help. A professional will guide you through the process of understanding the origins of your relationship patterns. They'll also help you build new ways of connecting. Therapeutic intervention aims to address your relationship difficulties, reexamine your beliefs, and explore ways you can improve your self-esteem .

      Even so, there are some things you can do on your own. Making a list to try to identify the thoughts that keep you in a dependent relationship can help you better understand your own bonding process.

      I'll leave you with examples of thoughts that hide insecurity and fears:

      • "I can't live without this person."
      • "Who will love me the same?"
      • "What I feel is more important than anything else."
      • "I won't be able to find anyone like him or her."
      • "We have to stick together, no matter what."

      There are also some alternative thoughts that can help you find a bonding style that is more focused on emotional independence and autonomy:

      • "A romantic relationship makes me feel better, not worse than when I wasn't involved."
      • "Living as a couple can be very satisfying, but if a relationship ends, I'm capable of living without that person."
      • "Love is not enough to sustain and make a relationship work."
      • "When a relationship ends, I may feel pain, but those feelings will fade with time."

      I can't give you an exact formula for how much involvement your relationship should have for it to be healthy. Within the wide variety of possible relationships, you must learn to balance caring and personal autonomy as much as possible.

      CONCLUSION

      It's never too late to improve your relationships and learn to practice emotional responsibility ; it's always a good time to rethink your thinking about relationships and love. Remember that it's okay to give, but also to receive and seek reciprocity .

      The ultimate goal is to remain free in relationships . You feel that within them you have the ability to make independent decisions. This doesn't mean you don't have the desire to share and lean on the other person; rather, it's about realizing that a relationship isn't necessary to be happy.

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